Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
