He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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