The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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