Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
party gras won. party gras always wins.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
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