I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize