i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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