Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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