Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
