You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
