it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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