Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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