And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Found your dick twin last night
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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