Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
