her vagine was all disorganized.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
