Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
