i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
