my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize