So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
So vagazzling was a success
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
