Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize