dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
