I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
