a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
