We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize