I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
