Pass out mid-funnel last night.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
