Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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