I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
