Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
