The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
