The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
