Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
