absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
