Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Randomize
