so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
