Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Randomize
