i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
