I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize