Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
