I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
She bit a glass in half.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Pooping to opera.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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