I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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