he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
