Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Randomize
