I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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