she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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