He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize