If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
