there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
