i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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