Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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