I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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