btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
