When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Your mouth is God's brothel.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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