we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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