Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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