Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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