i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
