grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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