so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize