How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
