I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
This gyro tastes like lonliness
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
