1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
