You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
