Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
