she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
