I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
