Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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