You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
