is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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