i need an iv and a liver transplant
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
