How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
