and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
