I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I could have mohawked her pubes.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
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