Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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