I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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