Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
