ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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