He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
pray to the hookup gods
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
