he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I look excited, but its just a facade.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
