I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
