how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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