I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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