Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize