Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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