it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize