Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
