It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
