Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
