I am puke
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
