It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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