it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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