WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize