why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
