Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
