my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
