Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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