Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
