I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
