all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
