do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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