The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
