She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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