i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
