Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
